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"How To Stop Your Fear Of Abandonment"

Learn A Simple Mind Strategy To Stop Abandonment Fear In Its Tracks...

By Michael Weisz

 

The fear of abandonment is probably the most frequent symptom in borderline personality.

BPD is rooted in many emotional traumas and invalidations early in life. These traumas and invalidations make a person feel unwanted, unloved, rejected, just like a child who was abandoned by his or her parents.

Nature has created us with a powerful drive to rely and depend on our parents for care, love, and protection during our first years of life. So when these needs are not fulfilled, we feel invalidated, abandoned, alone, left behind.

And this can be so very painful.

If you feel this way, I can totally relate. A few years ago I've been in your shoes.

In BPD there are two forms of abandonment fear.

The first one is the fear of emotional abandonment that can take the form of physical abandonment but not necessarily.

BPD people with this kind of abandonment fear are literally terrified about the possibility of being left behind by those who they love or have a relationship with. For instance they can't let their partners or spouses leave the house, not even for a minute.

People with BPD who have this form of abandonment fear see their loved ones walking out the front door as walking away forever. In their early years of life they have suffered deeply because of a parent who have left behind his or her family without notice, or have been abandoned emotionally by cold, harsh, or abusive parents.

The second type of abandonment is the fear of critique, scolding, and punishments. A BPD person with these fears used to be abandoned consistently on his or her needs for trust, support, and/or understanding.

These BPD people dread to make any mistakes by trying to do everything perfectly. They try to behave perfectly, to walk perfectly, to talk perfectly, be the best ones in school, and to do things exactly as others say.

Also, since they were rarely praised for their successes and achievements but harshly punished or criticized for their mistakes, they never knew how perfect is perfect, and how good or "bad" they are. So they try to make sure they are perfect by aiming for unrealistic perfectionism.

This leads to lots of insecurities, frustration, and to look instinctively after someone who can tell them what and how to do.

The way you want to go with the first type of abandonment fear is to think about all the past moments when you were thinking that the other person is going to leave you but nothing such have ever happened.

Based on this, do you think he or she is really thinking about leaving you today or in the near future?

Well, if you continue to be overly clingy, jealous, and demanding, your chances to be abandoned one day will probably go up. But otherwise how high is the possibility to be left behind?

Probably slim, isn't it?

If he or she would have really wanted to leave you today you'd be alone, wouldn't you?

On the other hand, if you are alone and every time you meet a new person you like you get too clingy or too demanding too early on, ALWAYS remember that just because you've been abandoned by your parents or other significant people it doesn't mean that all people are going to leave you.

In fact, if the other one looks interested in you and asks you all the time about when he/she can see you again, assume that that person really likes you and wants to GET CLOSER to you, NOT leave you.

For the second type of abandonment, the way you want to go follows the same principle: just because you got mostly punishments and critique from your parents or close ones, it doesn't mean that you did something wrong or you made a mistake.

Not getting praises or pats on your back all the time it doesn't mean that you are not good or that you did something wrong.

I know changing your attitudes about yourself and people in general might be difficult at first. But trust me on this one. It's all about how you perceive things.

Past painful experiences in the past have probably made you see yourself in "bad" ways only.

If you are doing things in similar ways most people do, you can rest assured that you are most probably a normal person and you are doing just fine.

It's hard to believe that you are all "bad". In fact, all people have good sides and bad sides. So if we'd place them on a Good-Bad continuum, 95% of them would be somewhere in the middle.

So statistically you should be around the middle of the Good-Bad continuum.

As you probably guessed, what you just learned here is only the beginning.

You deserve to leave behind the fear of abandonment and BPD, and have a normal and fulfilling life.

Overcoming borderline personality has gotten a lot easier. I've done all the research and testing in your place and the things that worked best I've included in my "Borderline Personality Begone!" Program.

You can be reading it in minutes and start seeing results TODAY.

Find here more details: "Borderline Personality Begone!"


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