Four BPD "Pitfalls" Are And How People
"Slide" From One Pitfall Into The Next
By Michael Weisz
Each month I get tons
of emails from people about the different
kinds of BPD symptoms they or their loved
you have BPD or you live with a BPD person,
you have probably observed that the
borderline symptoms change as your mental and
the emotional states change.
When angry, BPD people behave in and angry
and impulsive manner. Also they tend to be
paranoid and split experiences, situations,
and people into black and white, into either
good or bad, and so on.
When they "seem" to be okay, it is an
artificial normality. They are too calm, too
serious, too cold and detached, or too
friendly, too funny, too goofy.
Then there are other states when they shut
off from the world, lock themselves in their
rooms and refuse any contact. In this state
they can be also very needy, clingy, and
defensive, just like a helpless child.
Also, there is a fourth state BPD people go
through right after an episode of fury or
impulsivity. This state is usually hidden
because borderline people don't want others
to find out how downing, harsh, and negative
they are on themselves. Sometimes when they
can't take it anymore, they slip one or two
thoughts that are saying things like "I am
so stupid!", "How could I do such a
thing?!", "I can't do that!", "I am such a
loser!" or some other similar deeply
depreciating things about themselves.
The four states described above represent
the four BPD Pitfalls borderline people are
BPD people spend most of their time in the
"Detached Protector Pitfall". In this
pitfall they shut off their needs and
emotions. They want to gain others' love,
friendship, and approval by not "upsetting"
them with their needs and emotions.
Although at the surface this strategy seems
to work, in fact not having their needs
fulfilled and their emotions manifested, a
tremendous amount of tension, anxiety, and
frustration is built up over time. One small
invalidation is enough to set off the entire
accumulated emotional tension and
frustration into over proportional reactions
like anger, impulsivity, yelling, vile
language, or even physical violence. This is
the "Angry and Impulsive Pitfall".
After some time the anger pitfalls gets
filled up and the BPD person shifts into the
third BPD Pitfall, the "Self-Punishing
Pitfall". In this pitfall borderline people
punish, scold, and criticize themselves just
as their parents would have done to them in
the past after episodes of anger and
impulsivity. The punishments reinforce in
the BPD person the already present
Then borderline people slide into the fourth
BPD Pitfall, the "Abandoned and Vulnerable
Pitfall". Under the mental and emotional
effects of the punishments, BPD sufferers
feel abandoned, helpless, hopeless, anxious,
depressed, and alone. They want to make
good, to become better people, but they feel
that everybody is against them, that nobody
understands them. They feel weak and
vulnerable, just as they felt in the past
when their parents or other significant
parents have punished, criticized, or
scolded them. The lack of an internal
self-positivity compass makes BPD sufferers
be totally dependent on others to feel good,
happy, secure, confident etc.
After some time, BPD sufferers shift
gradually back into the "Detached Protector
Pitfall" until frustration, anxiety, and
emotional tension is built back up and the
entire BPD Circle Of Pain is spun into a new
cycle by a new anger and impulsivity
The BPD Circle Of Pain can be stopped and
TRANSFORMED TOTALLY into a new "Circle Of
Mental And Emotional Health" by addressing
and transforming each BPD Pitfall.
Probably in the past you weren't given the
opportunity to learn and practice emotional
management, or ways to increase your
self-esteem and self-confidence.
But since you are reading this right now it
means that you have everything you need in
order to learn how to not get angry and
impulsive anymore, to learn how to increase
your self-respect, self-love, self-worth,
You are worthy, lovable, respectable,
important, and capable, EVEN if you don't
believe that yet. The best proofs are the
nasty emotions and painful internal states.
They are the signs that your learned belief
system goes against your inherited worth and
love. In other words, you are worthy and
lovable already, you just need to start
believing that you are so.
When your beliefs begin to align with your
natural worth, self-love, self-respect and
so on, your borderline is going to simply
Because you'll have nothing to feel
frustrated about, you'll have nothing to
worry about, you'll have nothing and no one
to be anxious about, and you'll have nothing
to be depressed about.
"Borderline Personality Begone!"
Program teaches you how to start believing
in your self-love, in your self-esteem, in
your self-confidence, in your self-respect,
and all the other attitudes and perceptions
Today you are feeling bad because you think
in bad terms about yourself.
Tomorrow you will feel good by learning to
think good things about yourself.
Start planting today the seeds of your
BPD-free life of tomorrow.