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"Why Changing Your Thoughts Is SO Important To Heal From BPD"

You Are About To Learn How Transforming Your Self-Defeating Thoughts Into Self-Validating ones Is The Key In Overcoming Borderline Personality.

By Michael Weisz

 

Let me give you an example...

Let's imagine one person who thinks that he or she is despicable and that ALL or ALMOST ALL people who he/she relates with think that he/she really is despicable.

One day during work our "character" forgets about a deadline and the company he/she works for gets into an unpleasant situation with some of its customers.

The CEO appoints him/her to his office, points out the implications of his/her mistake, and gives him/her a warning. Our character has to deal with the consequences of his/her own error (i.e., the critique and warning in fact send a message along the lines of "You are not good" - and unconsciously this person might draw a secondary conclusion that says "Since I am not good in doing my work, I really am despicable!"). This conclusion comes on top of the already present self-defeating belief, thus reinforcing it. This person might also think that "Others think too that I am despicable".

Also, during the entire meeting with the boss he/she probably can't stop thinking about how is he/she going to pay the bills if he/she gets fired. This thought was probably followed by a big hole in the chest and intense fear.

This person has a tough day for the rest of the working hours and builds up a lot of anxiety, frustration, shame, guilt, and even anger (because he/she probably thinks that nobody understands him/her).

Back at home, out of nothing he/she gets into a fight with his/her spouse as an unconscious way to ventilate the accumulated negative emotional tension.

After the fight he/she eventually realizes deep inside that he/she have overreacted, draws the conclusion that he/she really is a despicable person and that he/she deserves to be seen as such by others (i.e., self-downing and self-punishment).

Notice what happened with this person?

Initially he/she was thinking that he/she is despicable and that others who he/she relates with think the same. He/she did a mistake at work (probably because her self-defeating belief made her focus scramble and forget about the deadline), and got a warning from his/her boss. This made him/her feel very tense all day long. Upon getting back at home he/she has a fight with his/her husband out of nothing, which made him/her conclude "I really am a despicable person".

Bottom line, at the end of the day the initial belief "I am despicable" have become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Now let me give you a second example that follows a completely different scenario...

Let's take different person who has a belief system that says "I am a worthy and respectable human being".

One day this person goes to work and does the same error: unintentionally crosses a deadline and this comports possible serious consequences for the company.

But this person doesn't wait until the chain of consequences reaches the customers. He/she goes straight to his/her superior and lets him know about the missed deadline. Expresses his/her regrets, and proposes to work together for a solution in order to minimize the negative consequences of his/her fault.

Necessary corrections are implemented in due time so that at the end of the day the negative consequences are insignificant.

Our person with high self-esteem gets a mild warning on a firm but gentle tone.

Why?  

Because overall the unwanted consequences of missing the deadline have been prevented by his/her prompt and honest implication.

He/she goes home somewhat stressed about the whole deadline thing, tells his/her spouse about what happened, but nothing happens out of the ordinary. Our second person still knows at the end of the day that he or she is worthy and a respectable human being, and he/she acts that way.

He/she sits down and has a nice dinner with his/her family.

Again, at the end of the day the initial self-validating beliefs became self-fulfilling prophecies, EVEN THOUGH all the premises to produce a completely different outcome were there.  

What was the KEY difference between the first example and the second one?

The initial belief system.

If the negative belief about oneself eventually led to a negative outcome, and the positive belief about oneself eventually led to a positive outcome, imagine what would happen with your borderline personality symptoms if you'd replace your self-defeating beliefs with new self-appreciating ones?

Our emotions and behaviors are ALWAYS triggered by our thoughts, beliefs, and thinking patterns (i.e., cognitions).

In borderline personality, at its core there are groups / clusters of self-defeating cognitions. In certain situations that resemble with painful memories from the past, these cognitions get triggered and their consecutive emotions and behaviors get triggered as well. The consequences of these emotions (e.g. anger) and behaviors (e.g. impulsivity, rage, manipulation etc) are damaging relationships, hurt other peoples' feelings, and the  implied feedback reinforces the initial self-defeating cognition.

BOTTOM LINE, you will have a BPD-free life when you'll transform your self-defeating cognitions into self-appreciating ones.

Like "I am unlovable" into "I deserve to be loved", "I am worthless" into "I am a worthy human being", "I am "bad"/"evil"" into "I am a completely normal person who happened to have a painful past", and so on.

BPD can be treated if there is a system in place to follow.

You can figure it out for yourself and send me an email "Michael, you were right" - but that might take you years just like it took me... OR you can save yourself some time and pain and read my "Borderline Personality Begone!" Program - and start to see results TODAY.

Inside the program you can find the exact system I have used to rid myself from my own BPD. You and I might have different life histories, but the bottom line of BPD is ALWAYS the same: the self-defeating cognitions, and the unhealthy behavioral and emotional reactions. Transforming your belief system means to transform your personality and life from BPD to mental and emotional peace for good.

You can start here: "Borderline Personality Begone!"


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