Changing Your Thoughts Is SO Important To
Heal From BPD"
About To Learn How Transforming Your
Self-Defeating Thoughts Into Self-Validating
ones Is The Key In Overcoming Borderline
By Michael Weisz
Let me give you an example...
Let's imagine one person who thinks that he
or she is despicable and that ALL or ALMOST
ALL people who he/she relates with think
that he/she really is despicable.
One day during work our "character" forgets
about a deadline and the company he/she
works for gets into an unpleasant situation
with some of its customers.
The CEO appoints him/her to his office,
points out the implications of his/her
mistake, and gives him/her a warning. Our
character has to deal with the consequences
of his/her own error (i.e., the critique and
warning in fact send a message along the
lines of "You are not good" - and
unconsciously this person might draw a
secondary conclusion that says "Since I am
not good in doing my work, I really am
despicable!"). This conclusion comes on top
of the already present self-defeating
belief, thus reinforcing it. This person
might also think that "Others think too that
I am despicable".
Also, during the entire meeting with the
boss he/she probably can't stop thinking
about how is he/she going to pay the bills
if he/she gets fired. This thought was
probably followed by a big hole in the chest
and intense fear.
This person has a tough day for the rest of
the working hours and builds up a lot of
anxiety, frustration, shame, guilt, and even
anger (because he/she probably thinks that
nobody understands him/her).
Back at home, out of nothing he/she gets
into a fight with his/her spouse as an
unconscious way to ventilate the accumulated
negative emotional tension.
After the fight he/she eventually realizes
deep inside that he/she have overreacted,
draws the conclusion that he/she really is a
despicable person and that he/she deserves
to be seen as such by others (i.e.,
self-downing and self-punishment).
Notice what happened with this person?
Initially he/she was thinking that he/she is
despicable and that others who he/she
relates with think the same. He/she did a
mistake at work (probably because her
self-defeating belief made her focus
scramble and forget about the deadline), and
got a warning from his/her boss. This made
him/her feel very tense all day long. Upon
getting back at home he/she has a fight with
his/her husband out of nothing, which made
him/her conclude "I really am a despicable
Bottom line, at the end of the day the
initial belief "I am despicable" have become
a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Now let me give you a second example that
follows a completely different scenario...
Let's take different person who has a belief
system that says "I am a worthy and
respectable human being".
One day this person goes to work and does
the same error: unintentionally crosses a
deadline and this comports possible serious
consequences for the company.
But this person doesn't wait until the chain
of consequences reaches the customers.
He/she goes straight to his/her superior and
lets him know about the missed deadline.
Expresses his/her regrets, and proposes to
work together for a solution in order to
minimize the negative consequences of
Necessary corrections are implemented in due
time so that at the end of the day the
negative consequences are insignificant.
Our person with high self-esteem gets a mild
warning on a firm but gentle tone.
Because overall the unwanted consequences of
missing the deadline have been prevented by
his/her prompt and honest implication.
He/she goes home somewhat stressed about the
whole deadline thing, tells his/her spouse
about what happened, but nothing happens out
of the ordinary. Our second person still
knows at the end of the day that he or she
is worthy and a respectable human being, and
he/she acts that way.
He/she sits down and has a nice dinner with
Again, at the end of the day the initial
self-validating beliefs became
self-fulfilling prophecies, EVEN THOUGH all
the premises to produce a completely
different outcome were there.
What was the KEY difference between the
first example and the second one?
The initial belief system.
the negative belief about oneself eventually
led to a negative outcome, and the positive
belief about oneself eventually led to a
positive outcome, imagine what would happen
with your borderline personality symptoms if
you'd replace your self-defeating beliefs
with new self-appreciating ones?
Our emotions and behaviors are ALWAYS
triggered by our thoughts, beliefs, and
thinking patterns (i.e., cognitions).
borderline personality, at its core there
are groups / clusters of self-defeating
cognitions. In certain situations that
resemble with painful memories from the
past, these cognitions get triggered and
their consecutive emotions and behaviors get
triggered as well. The consequences of these
emotions (e.g. anger) and behaviors (e.g.
impulsivity, rage, manipulation etc) are
damaging relationships, hurt other peoples'
feelings, and the implied feedback
reinforces the initial self-defeating
BOTTOM LINE, you will have a BPD-free life
when you'll transform your self-defeating
cognitions into self-appreciating ones.
Like "I am unlovable" into "I deserve to be
loved", "I am worthless" into "I am a worthy
human being", "I am "bad"/"evil"" into "I am
a completely normal person who happened to
have a painful past", and so on.
BPD can be treated if there is a system in
place to follow.
You can figure it out for yourself and send
me an email "Michael, you were right" - but
that might take you years just like it took
me... OR you can save yourself some time and
pain and read my "Borderline Personality
Begone!" Program - and start to
see results TODAY.
Inside the program you can find the exact
system I have used to rid myself from my own
BPD. You and I might have different life
histories, but the bottom line of BPD is
ALWAYS the same: the self-defeating
cognitions, and the unhealthy behavioral and
emotional reactions. Transforming your
belief system means to transform your
personality and life from BPD to mental and
emotional peace for good.
You can start here: